


A Place to Belong

by paradossodimenta



Series: Being an Idol is Hard. Being in Love is Harder. [10]
Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, M/M, References to Child Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, hand holding, happy family crazy b, implied rinniki - Freeform, implied rnnk, nothing explicit but figured a t rated just in case, proud parent rinniki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25079026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradossodimenta/pseuds/paradossodimenta
Summary: Kohaku laments about how the world never needed him but it's okay so long as a handful of people do.
Relationships: Amagi Hiiro/Oukawa Kohaku, Amagi Hiiro/Oukawa Kohaku/Shiratori Aira, Amagi Hiiro/Shiratori Aira, Oukawa Kohaku/Shiratori Aira
Series: Being an Idol is Hard. Being in Love is Harder. [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1787788
Comments: 8
Kudos: 46





	A Place to Belong

**Author's Note:**

> The timeline is a little loose since the main story hasn't been fully translated but it roughly follows the main story events from Kohaku's POV including the Honey Bee scout.

It seemed like for most people they felt they belonged at home with their family. For Kohaku he never felt safe and secure in his own home. There was always a layer of apprehension and anxiety. The constant struggle to be viewed as good enough left him weary. He had to prove to his parents that his existence wasn’t a waste. The only person who had ever seemed to care about him beyond his usefulness was his cousin. 

Tsukasa fully embodied the role he was meant to play. He was graceful and elegant. He was kind and loving. In many ways he seemed like a storybook prince. Whenever Kohaku was allowed to visit with his cousin the elder boy would always drop whatever he had going on to focus all his attention on his beloved cousin. Kohaku always felt like he was filled with warmth and mirth. Laughing wasn’t something he did often as a child but whenever he did it was always with Tsukasa. The red head’s hand in his own brought him a feeling of belonging that he didn’t get back home. 

Running around the Suou gardens behaving like a normal child were some of Kohaku’s most treasured memories. Childhood had to end though and Kohaku wouldn’t see his cousin again for a very long time after that. His parents thought it was improper for him to be so informal with his cousin. Even if they were blood, Kohaku was still inferior to Tsukasa, even if Tsukasa never treated him that way it was true and his parents were dead set on not letting Kohaku near the future main family head again until he had learned his place. 

It was in this period of isolation and despair that Kohaku had turned to the vast space of the internet to find comfort. That too was short lived. With limited exposure to people outside of his immediate family which seemed keen to put him down every chance they got Kohaku felt like there would never be a place for him. That perhaps he was better off dead. He spent many nights thinking about how the vast emptiness of death might be better than the constant struggle of living. 

In the end all of his suicidal thoughts remained just that, thoughts. By luck or by divine intervention Kohaku was freed from his family and given a place at Reimei Academy. Far from the clutches of his family, Kohaku was free but also not. The chains around his mind from years of abuse and conditioning left him with high walls to guard himself. Despite his pretty and youthful look he was jaded and quick to snap off on people. He mused darkly one time that the only youthful innocence left inside of him was his love of sweets, everything else had been stripped away leaving behind someone who only knew how to get defensive around others to keep himself protected. 

It was of course annoying then when he was put into a unit with arguably the loudest most annoying adult Kohaku had ever met before in his life, the enigmatic pastel blue idol, and the world’s most annoying mom friend. Each one seemed tailor made to somehow push Kohaku to his limits in a way that his parents hardships hadn’t. He resented tham at first. Trying to deal with his new unit mates proved harder than he thought. Not in that they were bad people but in that they seemed to genuinely care about him as more than just someone who they could make use of because he was good looking and had a nice voice. It didn’t matter if it was Rinne’s stupid jokes about being Kohaku’s dad and being proud of him, Niki’s endless desire to cook all of Kohaku’s favorite foods and make sure he ate a balanced diet, or HiMERU's encouragement, advice, and support. All three of them by small measures forced their way past Kohaku’s guarded walls. He’d never say it aloud but before he knew it the three of them had become irreplaceable. People who felt safe and comfortable around. People who wouldn’t throw him away for being a useless existence. 

One time before their first live together Himeru had helped Kohaku with all the little chains and pieces to their outfit. Kohaku had spent the past ten minutes fighting with the trinkets trying to figure it out and being too prideful to ask for help. Without saying a word HiMERU had walked over and clipped everything in place for him. Even when Kohaku scowled at him in return all HiMERU had done was smile in that knowing way of his and pet Kohaku on the head before heading towards the door for them to go up on stage. 

The first time Kohaku had gone over to Niki’s apartment he was greeted by the smell of a well used kitchen. Niki must have been cooking all day and it all smelled amazing. The unit was there to celebrate an amazing live together and Niki had gone all out to make everyone’s favorite dishes. It was like love was poured into everything that Niki made, no wonder he always said he was a chef and not an idol. After they ate, Niki had suggested they all stay over since it was late. Kohaku had tried to reject the offer, he had it instilled in him so much that it was a burden on others to house him but it was Rinne who insisted and started to put together the futon-couch for him even as Kohaku told him not to. HiMERU was given the same offer but when he declined Rinne and Niki made no fuss about it. Kohaku knew he was being treated differently since he was younger and it annoyed him, at least partly. Likely seeing his scowl, HiMERU pet him on the head again before leaving. Despite his annoyance at being treated like a child when he curled up onto his temporary bed he fell asleep easily. He was warm and full and though he claimed to hate it a part of him felt cherished the way Rinne and Niki treated him like a kid. Someone that needed to be coddled and protected. It was annoying but also, sweet. 

Kohaku was deep in the throes of sleep when Rinne jokingly called Niki a great mama and Niki smacked him before retiring to their own bedroom. 

Perhaps the strangest show of love was Rinne’s. After challenging Kohaku to find them a good job it was like the older idol did absolutely nothing to actually compete with Kohaku. Winning by default was no fun but at the same time Rinne did nothing but heap praise on Kohaku for finding them a really good gig. Though Kohaku would argue that their outfits were a bit odd he did get some silly joy out of seeing esteemed idols like Rinne and HiMERU dressed like giant bees. Rinne made it a point to call Kohaku adorable on several occasions which earned him more than a few half hearted shoves and pushes. 

Some part of Kohaku couldn’t help but wonder if this was what a family really was supposed to be like. A loving father figure that was stern in some ways but also encouraging and supportive and embarrassing beyond belief. A doting mother figure that cooked him delicious food on the days when he was feeling down and listened to him vent about school and the boys he liked and never judged him or looked down on him. An elder sibling who didn’t put him down as a means of making them look good themselves. Someone who supported and encouraged him. Someone he could go to for advice as an elder and who would never steer them down the wrong path and offered help even when it wasn’t asked for. Without even realizing it Kohaku started to think of Crazy:B as his family so much more than the people he shared blood with had ever been. 

How strange it was then when things seemed to come apart. For all his fluffy words and claims of wanting to keep him safe Tsukasa had still kidnapped Kohaku. It was one of those no harm no foul type of things though. If anything Kohaku could almost accuse his cousin of trying to become a bad guy for his sake. After all when he had reached out to HiMERU to save him it was in fact someone else entirely who had. If Tsukasa was the bad guy in this story and Kohaku was the princess trapped in the high tower then Aira and Hiiro were his princes. Tatsumi and Mayoi were there of course, but they weren’t the ones Kohaku cared to focus on and the feeling was mutual. 

Tsukasa gave some silly villain monologue about how he’d not give up his beloved cousin to Alkaloid unless they could prove their worth. By the end Tsukasa was stopped, though Kohaku wondered if this was the true outcome he wanted. Perhaps a part of his cousin truly wanted to keep him close forever, to try and regain their youth in the gardens where Tsukasa was his prince that saved him from darkness but those times were over now. Now Tsukasa took hold of both of Kohaku’s hands before spinning him around and pushing him at Alkaloid. Aira and Hiiro both helped to steady him, each one taking a hold of one of his hands. He could feel the warm pulse in their palms the same as he once had with Tsukasa. This was a different kind of love though. This wasn't the soft familial love he felt for his unit and his cousin. This was the budding romance of a first crush. He squeezed the hands of his two love interests before they left the arena and returned to the alkaloid dorm. 

HiMERU and the rest of Crazy:B hadn’t come for him. He wasn’t sure how to process this information. He didn’t know their reasonings yet but he felt burned. Like he had let his walls down and now he was being hurt for it. The feeling of abandonment and betrayal was enough to make him curl into Hiiro’s side after they had gotten back to their dorm. Certainly Hiiro who had been left behind by Rinne as well could understand how Kohaku was feeling. For Alkaloid it was a celebration at beating Knights but for Kohaku it was a mourning of being forgotten and abandoned. Hiiro and Aira didn’t leave his side the rest of the night. Even when Hiiro had to get up to bathe and change Aira was with him and vice versa. That night Kohaku fell asleep nestled in Hiiro’s chest, the sound of his heart beat and the feeling of fingers gently sliding through his hair lulling him to sleep. Aira managed to snag a pic of the two of them cuddled up and sleeping after Hiiro too had fallen asleep. 

The following day Kohaku partially wanted to just stay there and not be seen as the only bee left but he needed to support Aira and Hiiro. The two of them were helpful last night and the time he needed a place to stay when Jun kicked him out as well. His wounded pride be damned he was going to see them perform. This one decision led to a multitude of others including finding HiMERU with Undead of all things and learning that the elder members of Ryuseitai had somehow managed to find and capture Rinne and Niki. It was all a bit overwhelming but it meant one thing, their family was together again and they could be Crazy:B again. 

The sudden change from being there to support his crushes to being there to do a joint live with them left Kohaku in a whirlwind of emotions. The constant one was anxiety and being overwhelmed and he found himself struggling to get his chains on again since his hands were shaking so drastically. Like before HiMERU helped him, not saying a word but this time Kohaku closed his eyes and hugged HiMERU tightly, burying his face in the older boy’s chest as he let out a few half choked sobs. Rinne came over and ruffled Kohaku’s hair, giving off his usual hyena laugh while Niki fussed over him. HiMERU rubbing his back soothingly until he felt okay enough to pull back and make them all promise not to leave him behind again. His demand was met with Rinne giving him a crushing hug followed by the other members all holding on to him. It was all the reassurement he was going to get and he thought that it might be okay like that. They still had a live though and HiMERU made quick work of cleaning away Kohaku’s lingering tears and fixing his makeup so it didn’t look like he just had a minor break down over his abandonment issues. He was going to be on stage with everyone he loved, he didn’t want it to be ruined by tears. 

Their live was a success and afterwards breathless and sweaty he approached Alkaloid. Aira flung himself at Kohaku who easily caught him and the two spun around together before collapsing onto the floor of the backstage area. Kohaku laid on his back and held Aira close on top of him. Things would be different now. Things would be better now. Hiiro laughed and helped the both of them up. Kohaku kept hold of Hiiro’s hand with one of his and Aira’s hand with the other. The three of them smiled at each other, breathless and nerves still shooting off from the live. They were all still new at being idols and even though Kohaku went to a different school from them and Hiiro was in a different year then the others they shared so much in common, including how they felt about each other. Aira and Hiiro reached out their hands to each other so that the circle of three was complete. 

This wasn’t the end of their story, it was just the beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> I just had a thought of Kohaku feelings the other day and poured them out. I was mainly inspired by fanart of Tsukasa spinning Kohaku around and then letting him go into someone's off screen gloved hand and so I had to include that imgary lol.
> 
> I've got a few things in the pipeline. The ryuseitai and kohaiiro machine seems to be silent for now so I think its the cospro machine that's gonna go brrrrr soon lol.


End file.
